befriending the enemy to fear less

A few years ago I found out that a very gifted practitioner I had seen a handful of times came out as the head of the satanic church.

My brain short circuited for a few months because Riaan was one of those guys that I intuitively went in for a hug after a session with him!

He had a warmth and distinct feeling of acceptance about him, nothing at all dark or “evil”.

I am not a christian by the inferred meaning of “being christian” but I was raised in a home, time and society where christianity was and still is the dominant religion.

So by default, there are some conditioned beliefs that I have in common with christians. Many beliefs, I hold onto, but others, which I no longer resonate with, I have challenged and let go.

satanism brought up a deep fear in me as a spiritually curious teen.

The old christian voice in me: “they are evil and should be avoided at all costs”

The questioner in me: “but the guy feels like a really good and warm human”

This was where the short circuiting began to really unravel a lot of old beliefs, which rose up in the form of questions in my mind.

Is my image of satanists true to who they truly are or is that just a priest telling me stories to keep me in line?

I know many people who have broken many of the ten commandments and they are not evil people, they are just human growing in consciousness!

Ok, the truth actually is - I have broken many of them myself and still do - I am currently coveting a 2.8 litre 4 x 4 Toyota Hilux in pearl white with black rims ;-)

And if many priests in the roman catholic church have sexually abused young boys because they are humans being human, then how does that relate to my image of satanists? Are there some who are caring and loving versions of them too? The whole yin in the yang and yang in the ying thing!

What a quandary - what's true and what's not?

At the same time of all of this, I was playing with my own podcast as a form of personal growth. I am more agreeable than most and the podcast was a deep challenge for me to share my curiosity and put my voice into the ether. It basically scared me half to death to release them, as did this blog at the beginning, but I knew it was good for me so I pushed the boat out.

A thought dropped… “Why don't I do a podcast with Riaan. I could ask him all the questions I have been scared to ask?”

So I befriended the “enemy” to check how valid my old or my new beliefs were, being the great grandson of a missionary and the client of a priest who is also my psychotherapist of 7 years.

Riaan, as the head of the satanic church, fed me false truths in the podcast (which I have taken down from YouTube because, in isolation, it's very misleading). He has since made his third appearance on Joshua Rubin’s podcast Wide Awake Podcast where he turns on satanism and exposes his former self and satanism. He is now a follower of Christ!

Turns out satanism is actually very frightening and not worth any more of my attention because of the “satanic panic” it can create in my psyche. I have noticed in my life that where my attention flows, my focus grows.

In my profession I work only with attention as an agent of change rather than change as an obligation carrying judgment - which I find unhelpful!

Awareness in my coaching practice is the almost exclusive agent to change, that I work with, with clients!

I really value my inner peace more than my curiosity asks of me to go deep diving into what I wish to shrink in my awareness & life. Kinda like watching the news every day - it actually affects physical health negatively because happy news just isn't newsworthy!

News, and especially as AI rises, I REFUSE to sell my peace of mind and health for the sake of “being informed”! Another old belief - happily shattered. We are going to have a hard time very soon knowing what's actually real in any case! It feels like we are there already.

The benefit of befriending the head of the satanic church, for me, has been - an almost absolute disconnection from the fear of evil or malicious intent of people.

And it's not because I don't believe there are people, things and phenomena out there which will harm me if I actually engage with them. For me, in turning to face these things that always brought up fear, I just don’t feel scared of others beliefs anymore.

I fear less now, and that does something powerful in how I show up! I am less scared to put skin in the game or to use my voice for what I actually believe - like the news being kak for my health ;-)

Click on this image to connect with KEAH and get yourself onto one of her incredible MSC courses

Marissa and I are about to complete an MSC (Mindful Self Compassion) meditation course.

Last week's session and the 6th of 8 sessions is where the rubber met the road and how ironically it is about befriending the enemy or in more compassionate terms, difficult emotions.

The most challenging is facing SHAME.

I broke someone's trust in me who I deeply loved, in my early 20’s - one of “the commandments”!

(I also don't think God is a judge and is only pleased by us be rule followers - I believe She is actually very loving and caring, and is more of a fierce cheerleader ;-)

Up until my 49th birthday I still could feel my body squirm when even the thought of what I did back then, entered my mind. My stomach particularly went into knots!

I have never had the courage to face the truth of what I did and how much of myself I betrayed by my actions… until the MSC course and the divinity in each breadcrumb allowed me to open to it within my capacity and in care.

For 6 weeks prior, we learned foundational techniques which create anchor points for self care and compassion. It is absolutely incredible how common our pain in shame is when shared and faced with care.

As difficult as it was, I had unconsciously set myself up to process the deepest shame aspects of myself with the same compassion I would offer someone I really loved. The difference between how I treated myself vs someone I cared for was the biggest mental disruptor of my belief around SELF COMPASSION vs OFFERED COMPASSION, in this MSC course.

The mood with 8 of us was incredibly heavy during the themed evening with some difficult emotions being shared and held during the session.

But by the end of the night it was clear that all of us had reached more compassion for ourselves and something deep had shifted around the judgment and shame we each were working with that evening.

Why am I telling you this?

In the work I do, I get to see behind the veil into people's lives. I am a safe space for people to share their fears, shame and difficulties. I have chosen this path and trait and foster it consciously in who I am choosing to become!

The bravest people I sit with turn and face that thing they are most afraid of, no matter how disabling their fear - given they operate within their capacity with self compassion.

And they face and explore it until the fear and underlying belief is realized fully and then softens, almost immediately once the belief is identified.

What I have learned if nothing else in this life is that in what I most fear, what once was an enemy becomes a gift which ends up in creating more mental and emotional peace as well as self acceptance, which is truly what I believe we are all looking for in life, especially within our consumption habits!

It's clients who face cancer and have the courage to open themselves to both possible outcomes, rather than fake positivity!

It's a soft spoken employee who has the courage to tell their boss what they truly feel and what they actually need to feel safe and supported, rather than make up stories and judge their employers!

It's my friend, Zenri, who had the courage to reflect his truth about how I am behaving poorly in my relationship to him, rather than tell me what was comfortable or easy (he did this with deep CARE and love)!

It’s someone who instead of judging someone else to feel justified and “right” looks at themselves first to see themselves in the full light of their own truth!

It’s my wife who puts all her skin in the game and is building a business she is most passionate about creating, rather than choose the safety of a job and someone else’s vision!

I have written many times about the power of community and shared personal truth to affect change through what is modeled for us by others in courage. And how the people I befriend are every single one - teachers and reflectors of something within myself (especially the people I first judge)!

There are so many people I see who have chosen to befriend the thing they fear the most. That seems to be the most significant curiosity I am choosing now to look for…

…because it seeds more of itself in me.

And here is something to restore your faith in humans being human - ironically an alcohol advert ;-) Heineken "Worlds apart" by Publicis London, bridging between people