expectation, attachment and being a kak fortune teller

One of my dearest friends Henry or if you know him well - Zenri (because the oke is wicked wise) wrote this phrase on a piece of paper which he left for me on a visit from Paradise…

“change is the future’s vocation”

Yes, he actually lives in Paradise. It's a real place in the heart of the Eastern Cape near Jeffreys Bay.

Zenri wrote this note to me almost a decade ago. I only recently found it again, but as life has it - in the perfect timing.

The last three weeks of life have been a master class for me in shattered expectations… change I didn’t want or expect.

Nearly everything which was planned for the first two weeks of July from a holiday surf trip in Madagascar to the start of three exciting business contracts and the assumption we would have electricity in our home for most of last week, all… didn’t happen.

I expected them all to happen - something which woke the brat in me ;-)

I have read and understand that the brain uses predictions about the future (informed by past experiences) as a survival instinct so that we can react quickly and appropriately to life. Without this, we likely would not be here in the way we are, on this Earth.

So on the one hand I am wise to plan for my elderly years, create business goals and foster a north star in my life to orient myself towards a vision I wish to realize within my life!

But, when I do this I create expectations which I slowly & quietly create attachment to and which more than often never materialize in the way I expect them to happen.

I have also noticed that if something does not materialize how I expect it to, I have this window of brattiness which I go through where I struggle to accept the deviation. I either get angry or sulk about what must, should have or needed to happen!

This steals presence and Joy, and it is not a small cost.

There is a school of thought very prominent in the woke world to loosen our attachment to need or expectation and exist in a FLOW STATE. It makes sense but that, exclusively, feels like a potentially rudderless approach to life?

Michael Singer's book, The Surrender Experiment, is all about throwing all our energy and focus into what shows up in front of us, guided by our deepest curiosity.

This approach to life requires a lot of trust and faith and I have found it tingles nearly every hidden belief in the depth of my mind. I am a dedicated and often bratty student of this approach to life but it is not a fully baked approach, in my experimentation.

The counter point for me is the vision board, the north star or in more practical terms - business and sales targets/new contract I have been diligently manifesting - using all the trending techniques on the social media interwebs.

And just as I understand that seemingly opposite belief systems can coexist and speak to the same truths such as mysticism and science, there seems to be truth and value in both approaches, but they do seem like oil and water being polar opposite approaches, on the surface.

The north star creates and defines a future vision in detail to move towards and the surrender experiment loosens the attachment and wasted energy around the “what if”, “should have” or “must look like” and works with what is here, now and which is interesting.

I often find accepting “what is” to be the biggest hurdle.

Once “what is” has landed in earnest for me, the reset, review and creative process becomes exciting.

So what does this actually mean in understanding this dichotomy of seemingly opposing approaches - how do I integrate both into a singular experiment?

My uncle introduced my cousins and I to a book called It Works decades back. One of my cousins took it to heart and has used this short book and methodology to create the life and business he intended and visioned and now is teaching his children to do the same.

It's quite simple - write down 10 things you want to realize in your life.

Read the list 3 times a day and as often as is possible in between, and keep adjusting the list as it changes - it does, as our wants and needs change - often.

An interesting guideline is not to tell a soul, although it makes sense as others might dissuade us in that this list is not grounded in “reality”, science or common logic.

It's a little out there and in the same vein as The Secret and Manifesting but my cousins literally have used it for 20 years and their lives are a living record that an earnest commitment to it works ;-)

(did you see what I did there - I am so smart some times ;-)

These cousins incidentally are also very hard working and exude gratitude and appreciation, so they don't sit on their asse and expect a list of goals to appear out of nowhere!

Now, what seems opposite to that is The Surrender Experiment - whatever shows up is for us! It's the breadcrumb approach - explore it to its end and be guided by our curiosity.

One says, detail the daylights out of what 10 things we want and the other says, let it all go and focus fully on what's in front of us in the present, which has the most excitement.

Practically, what I have learned thus far is to shoot for the North Star as a process of actually defining what I want (it's actually not as easy as I thought) and keep revisiting this list as it changes, all the while letting go of what I expect and playing lightly with outcomes focussing on the intention and quality of my input.

Sounds like the FLOW STATE right!

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi studies this and added, into the mix, a level of dedication and care in adding value to human beings as he defines flow state in a research context. Sounds quite positive, selfless with a touch of divinity in it which results in earnest HAPPINESS according to Mihaly.

Practically…

Set or rather PLAY with lofty sales/business targets and focus on the quality of the input rather than the realized outcome, all the while letting go of all expectations and revisiting my WHY and WHAT toward excitement.

High level…

North Star - Define clearly what I want and be relentless in changing my list against my what, and the why behind it. Breadcrumb - be guided by my curiosity and take guidance and wisdom from what shows up and above all else keep dropping expectation and any attachment to a particular end result.

I think a sense of adventure and playfulness are likely the most important companions to take along for the ride.

I will do well to remember this when I plan a run, and its pouring with rain ;-)