what lies beneath...

17 years ago I got diagnosed with a very aggressive skin cancer which manifested on my lip after decades of sun exposure.

5 days ago I got treated for the same kind of cancer, early stage - before it's concerning, on my nose and on my lip with Photodynamic Therapy, which is a non-invasive treatment that utilizes the body's natural healing response to repair the damaged area by “nuking” or burning it with an innovative targeted approach.

My Dermatologist, Dagma Whitaker, who is a true master in her field and an amazing human, has been a guide and mentor for me, for nearly two decades, around proactive skin and general health care.

What stands out for me around all my conversations with her around my particular fair skin and subsequent risk of skin cancer, is that when skin cancer manifests in my body it is actually more from my earlier lifes exposure to sun than my more recent and very much more disciplined; sun protection and sun block protocol.

Research shows that for every sun spot that is diagnosed on the skin's surface there are 10 which sit underneath it, all from sun damage decades back - not recent!

This makes sense for me because my mum, who is very good with sun hats and sunblock these days, is constantly getting spots burnt off and many often requiring surgery, on her face.

But, and this is a really great BUT, I have discovered three incredible new products which address the repair of the underlying damage before it has a chance to result in a sun spot which can escalate, if untreated, into being life threatening.

A sunblock which repairs free radical damage (the only one which does this), a lotion which moisturizes with a mix of nourishment for the skin's repair & health and a tablet which adds nutrients which support deep skin repair and health at a foundational level.

All formulated to address and repair historical damage and stop it from manifesting on the skin as a skin cancer!

What if this can also be true for the emotional and mental aspects of our lives and not just real for our physical bodies?

To be specific: Being true in that our current health and life is a reflection of the underlying beliefs and emotional stories on rinse and repeat, from our past?

(this could also be seen as how our lives operate from 90% subconscious and only 10% conscious mind. All the subconscious being a culmination of habit forming protocols which drive our decisions, our emotions and the stories in our mind)

I have noticed in my therapy that the greatest changes I have seen in my life have come from those sessions where I end up finding an “origin” story in my past relationships, many with mum and dad. Many of which were not anchored in truth, but rather were created from and of my interpretation of something happening.

And these stories have informed the way I react to certain situations, as well as build or reinforce the stories and judgments which I have created and reveal themselves as my habits.

For me, therapy (mental exploration), dancing (emotional exploration) and running/surfing (physical exploration) are the playgrounds I use to look into and experience underlying stories (and habitual reactivity) which are a part of my “operating system” (the unconscious part).

They have become the magic free radical damage sunblock, the lotion & tablet for skin and general body health - for my emotional and mental health.

In therapy I explore and discover the habit, in dance (FEEL IT) I feel into whats underneath the habit and in running & surfing I am most present - and where there is a vacuum, wisdom begins to rise and become clearer! Together (the therapy, dance, running and surfing) expose the stories and offer the space and place to process them in all aspects of my life; mental, emotional and physical.

I get to see these things first, I get to experience them second and lastly, third, I get to make a different choice - new story and new habit.

A conscious one that serves me now ;-) rather than a habitual one from an accumulated past!

It's also been a 10 year journey to realize and find a strong enough WHY to commit to a morning practice which grounds and connects me to myself in breath, meditation, prayer and personal mantra.

There is so much written and being presented about SURRENDER these days. I never quite understood how to know what the hell to surrender, but also how to do it.

Life has a funny way of connecting bread crumbs in the most amazing way when I take the time to reflect and give these thoughts space.

And one last nugget I have learned in all this - awareness and acceptance are more significant than “letting go” of whatever needs it! When I have the courage to look into and accept those things that can be tricky to own, the letting go part is about patience and self compassion and is rather light on the need for efforting too hard ;-)

And why should this matter to anyone? Is our emotional health able to influence our physical health?

A very curious pattern is emerging when the enneagram personality tool I use is overlaid onto the type of cancer diagnosed (where in the body cancer first reveals itself) has resulted in a very curious pattern emerging. 32 enneagram reports done with woman with breast cancer - all enneagram 2 as a primary or secondary type. Curios or indicative of where to look at emotional clearing ?

P.s. This is probably my most powerful poem/meditation to manipulate the mind into understanding and valuing Surrender - Sarah Blondin - Learning to Surrender!