I dreamed God was a monkey, and was full of nonsense ;-)
I believe I could use the word Nature and interchange it with God and for that matter Life or even Love.
I prefer not to go further than this in how I have chosen to perceive God, after much seeking throughout my entire life.
I went into a phase where I raged against Christianity (the foundation of my spiritual upbringing) until I found grace for my own imperfections and therefore those of other humans.
I then began to find certain truths inside what was being presented in Christianity and from deep curiosity found the very same essence & wisdom across all the old religions and belief systems.
If God is a word for me these days it's Grace…
So onto my dream…
I dreamed that the boundaries between the mind of everything known (which ever was and ever will be) and my own small human awareness became permeable for a moment. In this dream I got to travel between my human mind which I have known for 48 years and at the same time, I got to experience a mind far more creative, knowledgeable, expansive and grace filled (God mode ;-).
In this dream it was as if I could experience myself as this being many of us refer to as God, as well as the personality I know and express as - Brett William Simpson.
The underlying feeling I experienced in both my human and my God mode perspective (and the space in between which connected these “minds”) was a deep grace and gratitude for anything my mind focused upon.
Whatever I look at in my mind's eye, I seemed to be able to understand the purpose, the care and gift in a person or situation I had been troubled by or loved by!
The subtle feeling of aloneness & separation was replaced by a warm feeling of connectedness and insight into why life must happen the way it does and the wisdom and grace behind it all.
It felt like home, like a hug from someone I love and value.
But as easy as my focus was on seeing and experiencing the purpose and meaning of life in every moment, my attention could and would swing into my human mind and its stories about my significance (my ego).
I was just as susceptible to my ego in this blurred God mode, as I was without my lucid dreaming existence.
I was astounded by how much I could see in my expanded, more God perspective… that I started thinking to myself…
“Wow, you are very special Brettol”
“So unique, … like a teacher”
“No, more like a healer”
“You know more than they do because you are so special”
TTHHHHHGGGGGG - And this monkey with big round ears and a proper cheeky grin gave me a “raspberry” - right in my face!
And then it was gone…
After recovering from being a bit confused and startled, my mind then moves to the mountains I run in weekly and all I can feel in this “God view” is deep gratitude and awe in how unreal nature is and how deeply the natural world nourishes me and how it all works.
Before long I am back to a human mind moment, although still in this permeable “God mode”, I realize I can for a brief moment see into others, into their lives with deep insight, so I begin to scan many of those people I love and I get back into the realization that… I can serve, I can teach. I must teach, I am soooooo important!
TTHHHRRGGGGGG - And again this monkey with a shit stirring grin gives me another “raspberry” right in my face.
This ends up happening literally 100 times in this dream and I begin to see what is present when this monkey shows up!
When I get into my ego (the deep or shallow end) and over identify with the small me or the big me. The better than and the less than thoughts…
…basically when I get too big for my breeches, this monkey shows up and sticks its tongue out at me with its thumbs in its ears and is all up in my grill with a monster raspberry- TTHHHRRGGGGGG!
It all lands for me, just how often I see the world and make decisions for my future which are rooted in me being less than or more than other people. Separate from people, compared to people… like I am a shitter version or better than them.
That blasted monkey is actually helping me catch myself from making stupid decisions.
In an instant my perspective of the monkey's antics goes from annoying little shit to this amazing and very unexpected servant of mine, who comes to remind me who I am beyond my very human perspective.
As the realization lands, my dream continues…
…my mind then wanders onto a group of men I connect with weekly to grow and become more self actualized and open to be a more grace filled human.
In each of them I see this monkey at play in them… as them.
My heart softens as this “monkey” disruptor is now changed in my mind and heart. It's this energy in both me and those around me which is playful, disruptive of ego, deeply curious, uninhibited and always ready to explore.
It is the impulsive part of myself, focussed and guilty of finding and manufacturing joy and changes in my life.
As my mind and feelings soften in both acceptance and deep appreciation for the monkey, it (the monkey) literally comes out of me and turns to face me with calm, compassion and wise eyes and says…
“I am the part of you, that you have denied”
“Every time you forget who you are, when you stop moving & creating or you take yourself far too seriously, I come to you to serve you by shaking you awake”
“You have called me fate, bad luck and chaos”
“But if you look closer you will see I come to serve you by shaking you awake to yourself, and create space between your truth and the stories you have created about yourself and life”
In an instant my mind found the wisdom true and connected it into every experience I have literally ever had where I was “shaken” by life and experienced this “disruptive” energy.
Holy shit - it was all serving me, not derailing me as I had thought in the moment, even my cancer - WOW especially that experience.
That's insane - it's all served me - truly!
“I come to you when you forget who you are and when you get stuck”
“I help you to shift energy by giving you a little shakey wakey, and remind you of your purpose in this life - to experience it all for the sake of it and not to deny any experience”
The connections keep flooding my awareness of how this monkey comes into so many expressions of who I am, by reminding me also of who I am not…
Every time I get curious about something fun… there it was
Every time I see something interesting on my peripheral, and turn to explore it… there it is
My travel bug, my mountain running, my surfing waves on other continents, kiteboarding, skydiving, dance, music, coaching, the enneagram, emotional agility, growth in all of life's places and spaces…. It just goes on and on!
When I reach a level of competency in something, I move onto something else quickly… there it is
The cost of this “distraction” has weighed on me… especially in financial safety ☹️
“True yes, but do you also want to see why you chose to forget your version of God mind?”
YES, Please?
The monkey then literally pulled aside a curtain and showed me a brief peek behind it, which was the wisdom and love behind all of life's moments, the connections, the meaning, the purpose - behind every single thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.
It wasn’t an experience in my brain, it was a broader knowing, seeing and experiencing which felt like a warm embrace.
I knew the monkey was God expressed as a unique archetype I needed and valued…
“I come to remind you of who you are, when you have strayed from yourself”
“Now, would you like to know the beauty I have given you”
Please!
And then suddenly every person I love comes into frame, all at the same time. I see their heart, their path but what lands as my only focus is their divinity, heart and soul and my entire being just breathes in the deepest appreciation I have ever experienced.
“The light inside of you, which is excited by everything around you has drawn every person and every interaction you have ever had into your life. Every moment of Joy of connection with life, God and your heart - that's me too!”
Then, every moment of heart and connection with anything and anyone in life passed then floods through my body as a feeling in each cell and I am left saturated in a mix of gratitude, in love and in Bliss and now, what I now understand God to feel like…
“In every moment I serve you from the most sacred place, not once have I not created something in your path that was not an expression of love and growth for your highest good - NOT ONCE”
The monkey settled next to me, embraced me and says very gently…
“Now that you know who we are, you can begin to work with me rather than against me. I am a powerful energy to activate and an important one to quieten when you need something different.
It's time to work with me now”
And once more asks me if I wanted to see behind yet another curtain.
One which showed its role and influence in every moment of my life which I thought was “wrong” or “bad” as well as those which I judged as “right” or “good”.
In one moment I saw and felt it all and was astounded when I realized its absolute depth of commitment to me in every single breath I have drawn in this life… I have never not been held, been supported or been guided. Not fuckin once!
The care, the loyalty, the dedication, the loving intent - holy shit!
Was it real or was it a dream? ;-)
I awake from this dream with a deep yearning for silence and to grow a relationship with this wise monkey, this crazy lunatic and this wise guide who is always present, whether I am aware or not!
I am astounded I got God so wrong.
My upbringing and the teachings through family and life defined my soul, encased in a Christian veil. I thought God was a stern old white man who loved me but would not hesitate to send me to eternal damnation if I fucked up.
Turns out she is divine, she is playful with a truly wicked sense of humor and has the loving signature of my grandmother - wild at heart, deeply loving and fierce!
Oh, and she doesn’t suffer from an ego, but rather a powerful feeling that merges love, bliss and deep acceptance.
Cheeky monkey ;-) One I wish deeply to know more about, outside of my mind and within the space between.
Imagine they taught this in Sunday school ;-)
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