the curious thing about vulnerability

On Monday I went to the funeral of my dearest friend's son, who took his own life last week.

On Sunday, we cut our 5 day Marloth Mountain hike short by one day and got off the trail a few hours shy from being washed off the mountain, quite literally.

Three weeks ago I facilitated an entrepreneurship men's group workshop, the most powerful I have ever experienced, which ended in eight men seeing their own and one another’s true internal battles and core motivation with deep and sacred grace.

15 years ago I woke up from an anesthetic in a haze of confusion on a surgical table with doctors and nurses running around me as I was bleeding out uncontrollably.

Vulnerability is just a 13 letter word… but it is one which has to be the most difficult word to experience and allow to be felt.

It's particularly shy of presence in business and in government!

Brene Brown, who is a truth talking Texan (and one of my SHero’s), gave a Ted Talk in June 2010 which has been viewed 62,829,921 times.

I believe the world is literally becoming sick to death of half truths and we are being drawn into deep authenticity, like a moth to a flame.

I am guilty of projecting false positivity, so as not to make my business colleagues worried, my family nervous or a vast amount of difficult emotions present and all too REAL.

The work I am drawn to has become all about facilitating vulnerability…

In holding space for a person who has just learned they have cancer and the deep fear and uncertainty which brings with it a deep darkness.

Or sitting with a mother who has six kids to support and is sitting at work with no food at home or money to actually get home.

It has also been inviting people to expose themselves by dancing freely in front of strangers and getting them to do ‘playful games' which was their joy as children but, as adults, it conjures fear.

And my chosen craft; helping those who are curious and brave to meet themselves fully, in their pain, their shame with the purpose of revealing their true gifts and beauty. In who they have created themselves to be.

Vulnerability exposes our truth, our secrets but most importantly it exposes our humanity and our heart.

I asked an incredibly successful businessman and dear friend of mine how he has the courage & confidence to negotiate with venture capital specialists when doing deals which can and does change thousands of lives.

His answer and awareness was revealing about our society and the masks it forces us to present. He said he always remembers that no one truly knows what the fuck they are doing (in all aspects of life) and that our confidence and belief in what we present is all that should have our focus.

I remember when a hairdresser first said to me… “you have a bald spot growing at the back here, Bretto”.

I must have bought every bloody “miracle cure” in the subsequent years and gone through so much wasted money to save my little ego from its worst nightmare.

Having been on this personal development train for a couple of decades now, when I look at what it has all meant and what it’s resulted in… it’s surprisingly simple.

It's grown my ability to be more truthful with myself and then expose myself a little more openly with people in my life…. (and not only the bald head ;-). This has resulted in me feeling more human and more connected to people I choose to value!

I am quite literally shit scared every time I write a blog and share it because it reveals how I think, how I feel and exposes my deep sensitivity - which is generally quite weird and generally isn’t acceptance and understood for a man - a perspective needing the fire of change. 4 suicides of men my age I know, is telling…

Sharing my inner world truthfully feels like taking my underwear off in front of a crowd of people ;-)

But the more I dare, the more…

…I feel truly honest in the core of who I am

…I feel calmer

…I feel connected to people I care about

…courage rises in me

…people show me who they fully are (which is truly remarkable)

…and I seem to need less validation and have a lower appetite for grasping for “stuff”!

Being that I focus all of my energy on enabling and facilitating this very thing in myself first and then for others, I always have this “marketing problem” where people ask me what is the tangible benefit of my coaching, my workshops or my programs!

What will they get?

What is the exchange or value?

It's such a difficult question to answer but personally.

My addictions have softened - particularly to alcohol

My wife has become my very best friend and favorite person (as well as my mirror)

My relationship with my parents is the best it has ever been

My friendships are deepening beyond anything I have experienced - both old and new

My craft (work) is literally my growth and my joy

My need for validation is softening and my inner weirdo is rising…. (I give yellow bath ducks to people who have touched me in some way)

But if you want researched outcomes over 20 years, Brene Brown suggests you will experience a fundamental change towards greater…

Joy

Positivity

Love

Creativity

Belonging

Why else do we exist and pursue the things we chase, than to create more of these?

It's worth listening to Brene’s Ted Talk if all of this resonates… She has better words and solid research to satisfy our logical mind.

One could say that the invitation from this blog is that dropping your pants will make you happier.

Or, that sharing how you truly feel could make you feel lighter, more joy-filled and be more connected to those who are truly important in your life.

;-)