from judgement to care and how it influences intelligence

Two weeks ago a very good human I value deeply shared an amazing win in his new business endeavour. He shared the sum of his monthly invoicing from his new coaching venture. He is one of the most intuitively astute and powerful coaches I know and has returned to the profession after a stint as CEO to a long standing education business.

My instinctual response to the figure he made was - holy shitballs - that's double my monthly billing!

Absolutely amazing and I am so damn happy his decision to change profession into more of his calling has resulted in such a significant business and income return after weeks, let alone months after making the leap. I could not be more chuffed for him ;-)

Two weeks later,... and I find myself recovering from a strain of flu which has been making its rounds in Cape Town and foolishly went out for a training run without recovering fully. It resulted in my fever returning and has forced me back into rest and recovery mode again.

I have a big trail running race in a month with three of my closest friends. I am missing the big training blocks and am getting anxious about this stubborn illness (or is it more a case of a stubborn Brett ;-).

Stress and anxiety on the rise!

I find my mind heading deeper into a negative space the longer I am unable to train and work optimally. My business is taking a positive turn but the “working from bed” and crash cycle is stealing momentum, causing me to fall behind on my goals and commitments and I am beginning to feel a cloud of pessimism take hold of my perspective.

My now negatively predisposed mind drifts back to my mates' success and I watch my awareness move slowly into judgement against myself around where I am limiting my income, where I am not doing as well as my friends (the old comparison disease), and I focus on where they are so good at this business thing and I am so shit…

…oh, and my car needs replacing now, so time to get real Simpson! (uppercut to the jaw)

I need more… more money, a new car, better airpods, a new …. the monologue goes on and on and on! (gut punch)

I see everything I lack, everything I want and surely what I deserve?

And then comes judgement of my friends, my clients and to a far greater degree - myself to a whole new level.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ahhhhhh… grief…. unacknowledged

I have five people I love very deeply - clients, friends and family who are reading the final chapter of their book of life…they are all going to die.

And one of my closest friends' son just took their own life this week.

Heavy,… and death is inevitably true for all of us but these humans are conscious of it as their bodies signal unwelcome symptoms giving them a gong - notice of their final round.

And that makes me incredibly sad. I will miss them all when they are gone :-(

I only become aware of this sadness when I have the wisdom to pause and feel what is at the root of this judgement and lack of acceptance of what is.

Ironically Marissa and I came back from a trip which had quality time with my parents and both our vehicles had died as well as our TV, once we returned home.

It can be eerie when life reflects life!

I am beginning to realise that when I begin to judge myself, which is more uncharacteristic than it previously was, that something else is asking for my attention! Something I don't yet understand or have awareness of, but which exists and starts off as a knock on a door of my mind but can escalate to a knock across the head, if ignored.

My body is usually where the knock across the head can be found, its where the unacknowledged request for attention if fully felt.

This is where I become susceptibility to whatever virus is lurking around.

This is where I have begun to understand the body as a messaging system!

Not surprising that for two weeks I dropped my morning practice (meditation, breathwork and stretching). I have also not listened to my body when it was clearly saying - NO RUNNING! My mind pushed past that red flag with its signature stubbornness.

Now that I realise what is actually being asked of me,… the pressure releases and I can see how un-CARE-filled I have been towards myself.

I took a moment to look at how I behave when I am in this judgement space, how I show up.

I judge others and discount their opinion,

I procrastinate and focus on meaningless tasks,

I feel sorry for myself, and…

I focus on the perceived lack in my life

And when I create or coach from this place and space, I don’t see others' wisdom, I don't feel mine and I end up second guessing myself ad nauseam! I am basically rubbish at my profession.

But, when I am inspired,... when I am in-purpose and on purpose I show up very differently…

I am present with people and can listen, as if it's an art form (it is!)

I am creative and highly efficient in what I produce

I am very happy to risk showing myself which opens others up (and builds trust)

I feel the word possibility and potential in my body - as a sensation, and…

I not only see but feel gratitude for being so deeply blessed in life

I have read countless research articles focussed on human performance in business.

The research evidence is that a happy & content human-being uses, lets say, 100% of their available brain. A person in a state of judgement and fear only has access to 60% of their available brain capacity!

It's basically the difference between the two states of our autonomic nervous system. Scared and in fight and flight (sympathetic nervous system) and our blood gets pulled from our brains into the largest muscle groups. When at ease and relaxed (parasympathetic nervous system), oxygen rich blood is pushed into our brain and does a sort of spring clean upgrade.

I came across this research/biology long ago and have been sharing it with my business clients for ages quoting this study and then that study, but it was mostly an intellectual understanding.

Today I realised its weight experientially!

Allowing judgement to make a home in my life, firstly is a sign I am not showing care for myself somewhere and secondly - it actually makes me stupid. And that's true based on our actual biology!

Compassion and self care expands and amplifies our intellectual intelligence.

Handy realisation when someone is pointing a finger. And that person is usually me…

I remember a saying my parents drummed into me as a child - “when you point at someone you still have 4 fingers pointing back at you”

Something in that is disturbingly accurate ;-)

Here is someone smarter than me using different words to say the same thing…

Gov. Pritzker Commencement Address: Kindness is intelligence