fight club as personal growth

I am an "adaptive peacemaker” in the enneagram personality profiling tool.

The core nature of the 9 enneagram profile is harmony. As a 9 enneagram, I seek to connect and create harmony in all ways when I relate to other human beings.

The upside is that I get along with almost anyone, even skabangers (the rougher types). I am good at mediation, reading people, understanding others needs and adapting & accepting different personality types and situations.

The downside is that I am motivated by being accepted & liked, I avoid conflict which has created “people pleaser” behaviour. I have an action style orientated to serve others needs, sometimes at expense of my own.

My growth is in finding, expressing and acting within my own truth no matter how others might perceive me. In other words, ignoring what other people think of me!

As with all enneagram archetype there is a different vulnerability for every personality and the invitation is to stretch into first accepting this truth (the gift and challenge),and then face that head on, which for me its conflict, and in so doing - dissolve the wounded aspect, just a little ;-)

For me, in my personality type, a mild argument can be perceived as full-on “conflict”.

So how do I break the habit of my own personal reality “type”?

The text book says to use my super power of offering perspectives within conflict to defuse tension (internal and relational) and create harmony.

That sounds smart an all but what practically… how do I de-crisis my response to conflict?

I judged boxing as a neanderthal sport.

I really don't like bullies or people who take advantage of others because of their position of influence! I put “boxing” in a big judgement box with bullies - all covered with the same paint brush!

Mike Tyson, in his youth, reminded me of a pit bull with anger management issues.

But then I discovered boxing in an experience rather than only within my intellect, as a way of keeping fit.

I began sparring with a few guys on Friday mornings in mid to late 2024 and it has surprised me on a number of different levels.

I am a very physical person and often work through emotions and difficult life moments through my body, while running, cold water dipping or breathwork.

All of these help me reset my nervous system which helps me create distance from, make sense of and manage my emotions with maturity so that I can make good and not impulsive decisions.

Being hit by another person is something I have avoided most of my life.

When we started this fight club, I was scared of being hit - but after 5 months or so, I have come to get positively fired up when my opponent lands a good shot.

Being hit doesn't have fear anymore but rather it brings up whatever emotion is sitting below the surface, which might have been denied or suppressed.

Anger is a big one with a side car of sadness (the usual suspects for me). Coincidentally the two emotions, when expressed are most denied in our society but also two emotions which hold a significant amount of clues to growth.

The longer I box, the more I can see the matrix code of my emotions, and what's really going on behind them.

So the more I get hit the more I understand practically what emotions need space, and behind that, what action they are asking of me!

At our fight club we only hit at 30% of capacity, so it's not painful to be hit but if the right technique matches the right spot, you will end up on the floor breathing deeply, holding your chest and getting a prescription of anti-inflammatories ;-)

So why is boxing so good for me within my personality type?

Lower fear of conflict: I am less scared of being hit which translates into less fear in my perception of conflict.

Conflict does not mean rejection: I can hit someone hard and in the right place and it doesn't hurt our relationship. This breaks an unhelpful belief that conflict hurts or breaks relationships - it can and does grow them, in my personal experience and builds deeper trust (done care-fully).

Emotional agility increases: being hit brings up a lot of emotions. My new skill is to hear and feel my emotions without re-acting mindless in and of them. This helps me work with my emotions, get curious and see what is really being asked of me.

As I get older I realise that some of my beliefs, held to for decades, can be utter bullshit and that experience changes knowledge into wisdom.

I have read so many books on emotional intelligence, emotional agility and all these smart humans research on how we express and relate to emotions… only for all their research and wisdom to make sense by getting a punch to the kidneys, or as my friend James says - the shhhushhhinam ;-)